firstentry observations

[rhya_of_stars]

I'm finding I'm the first to not care about certain things. IE there's someone who Sarah is friens with that I really don'twant to talk to, and who seems a little off to me somehow. I'm a bit more sensitive to energy stuff than nearly any other fronter it looks like, and this person's is just... off somehow. Odd in a way I'm not sure I like too much.

Besides, I don't want to have to explain things to them. It's bad enough I'm going through emotions that I never thought I would need to. It's bad enough that I still feel like a burden to those around me, even though they say I'm not. Isn't it enough that I'm here? I don't want to have to explain that I'm someone familiar, yet someone so different too that it makes the similarities seem small in comparison.

I don't want to have to take chances of things from my past coming up and have to sit and pour out my life to a person who, while they say they want to read things, have a problem or two with the concept of soulbonding. Because you see, that's what our system is mainly comprised of: Soulbonds.

Maybe we were here all along, maybe we weren't, I'm not sure that's the point here. I'm pretty sure there were people here before she knew what the hell she was doing... Pretty sure, but not absolutely certain. Just... You know, being a newcomer, and inquisitive and stuff. There's just so much here.

Is it wrong of me to want to show her what this energy feels like and to tell her to start to break away from this person? I meahn, I know they're her friend, but I can feel them trying to drain us, and I... dear goddess... don't like. They give me stomach jitters. And they feel different from the ones we get from switching. I can't describe the difference, but it's there.

I feel like a horrible person for even thinking like this. But... I just... *shuddershiver*... something about this person puts me off a little. Just... does.

(And no it's no one here. I wouldn't be writing up this long rantyramble here if it were)

-Ria

Comments

[the_coffee_shop]

Been there, done that... at least, I've been the person needing the advice on getting away from bad influences....

I know it's none of my business but I find myself wondering if it's anybody we know. :(

If the influence is really harmful then distance needs to be made, unfortunately.

-Whi

[the_coffee_shop]

Somehow I really screwed up signing my name. I think it's a slip up because I keep trying to get myself to sign it differently. Anyhow. :)

-Whit

[rhya_of_stars]

It is, actually.

And it's nothing they do specifically, it's only that the whole energy thing is weird.

I don't know whether it's gotten that far yet, and this person does have their good points. it's just... I dunno, they just seem like they could get angry really easy, and blow crap out of proportion. And I know people who do that on occasion over really big shit, but this one seems like they'd do it over little shit, too. Maybe I'm wrong, though.

-Ria

[halialkers]

It's not someone I know, is it?

My daughter's the one I'm thinking of.

Though she's had to take enough shit that little shit is like water on a duck's back, a nuisance but no more.

I hope it's not Revcel. :(

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

[rhya_of_stars]

No, It's Not Lady Revcel. It's someone on this Tamir III.

Down here. Rest easy. She's part of the flist: I said in the entry that it was no on one the flist: that includes her, H'vorxixnon.

-Ria

[halialkers]

Good. I was just a little nervous, and this makes me feel a bit better.

That's good.

In any case, my advice is still the same, discuss this with Sarah. Bad acquaintances are not very healthy for anyone.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

[rhya_of_stars]

I might. It's just... How do I tell her that it's nothing "specific" only this sort of feeling I have?

I have the oddest sensation she deals with this person because she feels she has to or something. It's not all the reason, but it's part of it. I get the sense that the person's over all pretty ok, but I can't shake the energy-sense, and... It's one of the things they tried to draw out in me...

... you know...

-Ria

[halialkers]

Yes....I know. Before my daughter leaves, you could talk to her about it. She's got a similar Spider-sense as I call it. She saw something likely to end in disaster with one of our recently-deceased members before the rest of us did (member being Hyde).

And as I said, I do know. They tortured one of my metanormal daughters in an attempt to both enhance her abilities (useless, she already had an exponential-growth factor, they actually retarded instead of accelerating hers) and to break her to make her effectively a mind-controlled PMD. That's one thing I understand. Said daughter being the Lady Revcel whom you've met.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

[the_coffee_shop]

Is it one of us? I have no idea if anyone here has said or done something they shouldn't... or given impressions they shouldn't, either. I surely hope it's not me, because if so, I obviously am completely clueless. :(

Whomever it is, I was in such a similar situation recently, and I just eventually had to call it off with the person who was causing the trouble... negative energy goes a long way, unfortunately.

-Whit

[rhya_of_stars]

No it isn't one of you. I don't know you guys well enough yet for it to be.

I suppose I could say the name, but I'm still getting used to being able to write where they can't see. (This they refers to academy overseers...) and I keep thinking they'll rips tuff away from me.

I keep having to remind myself that I really am safe...

...

Sorry to make you worry. It wasn't my intention. :(

-Ria

[the_coffee_shop]

Oh, hun listen, I worry about everything, so don't think it's your fault. I'm always worrying. Just how I am (and how Sylvyrr is too, for that matter).

I know how you feel. I always get nervous about negatively mentioning people, even when I know there's no way it could get back to them. It's tough to deal with situations like this, all the way around.

-Whit

[rhya_of_stars]

I just...

I wish I could come out and say things, but I still don't feel I can. But it's no one in any of the systems on the flist. Whether they front or don't.

No one at all.

-Ria

[halialkers]

It took my daughter years to stop seeing Huir around every corner after we de-programmed her from her brainwashing. As it was, she was right all along when the Freeborn like myself thought he was dead. That none of the Freedmen from his estate did in hindsight should have been a big flashing danger sign.

The Academy cannot find you, in the Inn you are safer than my daughter is in the Empire. You'd have a lot in common with my daughter in some ways.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

[rhya_of_stars]

*nod*... yeah. But then again, lot of people don't see dangers until they're just about to them, or it's almost too late.

I... would I? I'm still trying to wrap my head around that I've safety here. I... just not used to this... yet.

-Ria

[halialkers]

It happens.

The body has acqaintances and patterns of behavior I staunchly disapprove of. I cannot change it because I'm only a priest, in our understanding it's the deity that works miracles, not His servants.

And sometimes severing these acquaintanceships is necessary. I really wish my granddaughter didn't hang around that old veteran like she does, but that cannot be helped. Ashari is the right (or wrong, perhaps) mixture of bullishness and stubbornness not to see anything wrong with that.

Ah, well...as the proverb goes if it's ideals you want Shuhar IV is not the place to find them. >.<

If you feel it should be severed, by all means discuss it with her.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

[rhya_of_stars]

I don't know... I'm not sure we'd be able to work up a case. I just feel the energy and the energy's off-balance, like there's something not quite stable there. This person is a multiple, too, so it'd be ... awkward.

Tell me about it, I got the sense of that even whenI was there, even if I was only there for a little time.

I just... being who I am, H'vorxixnon. I don't want to have to explain parts of my AU canon to them. It's too damn complicated, you know?

And he seems like they would get angry over little things...

I can't put my finger on what it is I don't like, but there just is something.

-Ria

[halialkers]

Multiple? Is this my daughter you're referring to? She's a multiple system of three people, so....that would be...awkward.

I could write pages about the gap between reality and ideals, not least because in theory we are all supposed to have our rights respected. And the idea of making someone semi-sapient to get away with all kinds of abuse is awful, and that's what happened to Revcel, especially since I'm getting an inkling of why civilization scared and still scares her.

I don't know either. There are some in the Crew I do not like, like Jugashvili the unrepentant dictator and Non-Acceptance the fanatical maniacal would-be Cromwell.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

[rhya_of_stars]

No, it isn't. The physical body of the system is male. And they're from down here.

I know you could. I could too, from my own world's point of view. Or more acurately from my point of view out of my world. You know about some of that, though... so.

I don't like the way this person feels, but I suppose until we have a good reason to make it stop, she['ll be friendswith him. But it says something about the friendship when she trusts people with certain things that she doesn't with this person. She trusts three systems (Yours included( maybe even more, with information she would never trust with him. (Him being the person mentioned in entry.

-Ria

[halialkers]

Ah. That sucks.

The Alliance is not a government we are fond of, we tend to look with disfavor on that kind of thing, and can do so from a better perspective now that we've manumitted the slaves and gotten around to legally ending the Tagashim Laws.

Ah. Then that's a sign to watch out for things. Male-bodied systems can be interesting, I've met another once (we are also a male-bodied system, with the interesting aspect that our "anima" is female, and has become my daughter, no less. O.o) in our Archives of our younger years. All the same I never really trusted the fellow....

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

[rhya_of_stars]

I'm sorry... the main fronter is male. The body's female. :(

I do not like misinforming. I was thinking more of the fronter than the actual body. I tend to do that. I think of them so much as a person that I forget what sort of body they use to experience the world around them.

I still agree that male bodied systems can be interesting. You're one of only two we know of.

blarg. I still can't believe I didn't catch that before I sent it. So... yeah. I'm still getting used to fronting I guess.

-Ria

[halialkers]

It's all right.

One of only two, eh?

It's funny that the body's previous locus of consciousness was also female, the only female of the First Four. When she left, my daughter found herself very unwillingly the new locus of consciousness.

Can't blame Jade for leaving, though. She endured a lot of abuse and maltreatment from the others of the First Four. Her bit when she started menstruating was really bad.

It happens. I still sometimes hate it when one of my upper eyes itches and I can't scratch it here because this is a two-eyed and not six-eyed body.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

[flavia]

Here's my thoughts.

Follow your gut. And you'd have a better gut than a lot of peopleI'd wager. Even the worst assholes have good points. It's not black and white ever.

I don't like this person just from what I see in common and personally I wish a dog would eat his modem so he'd disappear offline. Just seeing his posts makes my skin crawl personally.

But you have to do what you feel right doing. I, personally, am cynical and untrusting so I may not be the best advice-giver though.

But if it was me in your shoes I'd run, run fast and run far and not look back or show Sarah his energy, tell her how he feels to you, tell her you aren't comfortable around him and have her tell him that you don't want to talk to him and that if your name is in the status not to poke you.

Either way, that might be a little extreme. But you do need to tell Sarah. I have Alissa behind me going "He's a dick." But she says to do what you feel and don't take her word for it. It's just she's had to deal with his system and himself on a personal and moderator basis and hated it.

River

[rhya_of_stars]

I do. It's one of the things they tried to get stronger in me. And you and I both know how they did that.

I wish she'd see it. I kind of understand why she's friends with him, but I just wish there were an easy way to get out. I know he's kind of the reason we're all aware, but I wish he werent, and I wish she'd found out through someone else. Maybe that's wrong of me but there we are.

blarg. I just... meh.

-Ria

[lightsoul]

Hi Ria! This is Craig! It was great to talk to you today on the phone. I very much enjoyed our conversations. Anyhow, this is my DW account. :o)

[rhya_of_stars]

Hia Craig. :)

Thank you, I enjoyed it too. :)

I added you. Now I gotta log into our group stuff to add you there, too.

-Ria