rhya_of_stars | firstentry observations

firstentry observations

I'm finding I'm the first to not care about certain things. IE there's someone who Sarah is friens with that I really don'twant to talk to, and who seems a little off to me somehow. I'm a bit more sensitive to energy stuff than nearly any other fronter it looks like, and this person's is just... off somehow. Odd in a way I'm not sure I like too much.

Besides, I don't want to have to explain things to them. It's bad enough I'm going through emotions that I never thought I would need to. It's bad enough that I still feel like a burden to those around me, even though they say I'm not. Isn't it enough that I'm here? I don't want to have to explain that I'm someone familiar, yet someone so different too that it makes the similarities seem small in comparison.

I don't want to have to take chances of things from my past coming up and have to sit and pour out my life to a person who, while they say they want to read things, have a problem or two with the concept of soulbonding. Because you see, that's what our system is mainly comprised of: Soulbonds.

Maybe we were here all along, maybe we weren't, I'm not sure that's the point here. I'm pretty sure there were people here before she knew what the hell she was doing... Pretty sure, but not absolutely certain. Just... You know, being a newcomer, and inquisitive and stuff. There's just so much here.

Is it wrong of me to want to show her what this energy feels like and to tell her to start to break away from this person? I meahn, I know they're her friend, but I can feel them trying to drain us, and I... dear goddess... don't like. They give me stomach jitters. And they feel different from the ones we get from switching. I can't describe the difference, but it's there.

I feel like a horrible person for even thinking like this. But... I just... *shuddershiver*... something about this person puts me off a little. Just... does.

(And no it's no one here. I wouldn't be writing up this long rantyramble here if it were)

-Ria

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Somehow I really screwed up signing my name. I think it's a slip up because I keep trying to get myself to sign it differently. Anyhow. :)

-Whit

It is, actually.

And it's nothing they do specifically, it's only that the whole energy thing is weird.

I don't know whether it's gotten that far yet, and this person does have their good points. it's just... I dunno, they just seem like they could get angry really easy, and blow crap out of proportion. And I know people who do that on occasion over really big shit, but this one seems like they'd do it over little shit, too. Maybe I'm wrong, though.

-Ria

It's not someone I know, is it?

My daughter's the one I'm thinking of.

Though she's had to take enough shit that little shit is like water on a duck's back, a nuisance but no more.

I hope it's not Revcel. :(

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

No, It's Not Lady Revcel. It's someone on this Tamir III.

Down here. Rest easy. She's part of the flist: I said in the entry that it was no on one the flist: that includes her, H'vorxixnon.

-Ria

Good. I was just a little nervous, and this makes me feel a bit better.

That's good.

In any case, my advice is still the same, discuss this with Sarah. Bad acquaintances are not very healthy for anyone.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

I might. It's just... How do I tell her that it's nothing "specific" only this sort of feeling I have?

I have the oddest sensation she deals with this person because she feels she has to or something. It's not all the reason, but it's part of it. I get the sense that the person's over all pretty ok, but I can't shake the energy-sense, and... It's one of the things they tried to draw out in me...

... you know...

-Ria

Yes....I know. Before my daughter leaves, you could talk to her about it. She's got a similar Spider-sense as I call it. She saw something likely to end in disaster with one of our recently-deceased members before the rest of us did (member being Hyde).

And as I said, I do know. They tortured one of my metanormal daughters in an attempt to both enhance her abilities (useless, she already had an exponential-growth factor, they actually retarded instead of accelerating hers) and to break her to make her effectively a mind-controlled PMD. That's one thing I understand. Said daughter being the Lady Revcel whom you've met.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

I might. With the kaviatt that once you find out who this is... shit, I don't need to tell you not to go telling people.

Ayupe She told me some about that. Not much though. She says I'm still a little young yet to know. I conviniently didn't tell her what I told you after everyone else left. If I can handle that... I can handle whatever else there is.

-Ria

My daughter concealed secrets we never knew till she died, including a mysterious photograph Revcel 2.0 won't identify. Says if her first body wouldn't mention the individual in it, the second one isn't about to stop doing what worked the first time.

Er....let's just say that when she starts describing some of Huir's favorite things to do, I found my dinner didn't stay down that day. And I used to be an Inquisitor who did shit like that for a living. And I hurled that day. So...yeah, Huir was a pretty fucked up little dirtbag. Think when Susan Roth said that she'd finally met someone much more evil than the Laughing Man that I was even more disturbed.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

O.o... *shudderdrawin*... Maybe sye was right to not say shit then...

o.o even more evil than the... o.o

-Ria

You might see the Laughing Man as a Dark Knight Joker type who was evil enough that the supervillains of that world told Laughing Man stories. The Joker was a target of derision as an effeminate monster clown. The Laughing Man made the schtick respectable until Sarasvasti brutally murdered him when he was about to take a blowtorch to Susan Roth's shoulder.

And Huir was worse than that. Somehow, it's not an encouraging thought to realize that a monster of my own society was worse than a sadistic little prick like that idiot in clown makeup.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

I'll bet it does.

o.o wow.

-Ria

Indeed. Susan Roth hates his guts. Given that she went from quiet, idealistic Raven into the violent and anarchistic Dagger, she's reasons to hate him. Of her three siblings, she, Rachel Roth, and Tamar Silverberg, I'm most concerned about Susan....she's immensely powerful, and with enormous training in combat without powers as well. The Laughing Man instilled a pure fear in her, which is how he could control and humiliate her as he did. She's never recovered from it.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

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rhya_of_stars - 2009-07-02 01:29 (UTC) - Expand

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rhya_of_stars - 2009-07-02 01:38 (UTC) - Expand

Is it one of us? I have no idea if anyone here has said or done something they shouldn't... or given impressions they shouldn't, either. I surely hope it's not me, because if so, I obviously am completely clueless. :(

Whomever it is, I was in such a similar situation recently, and I just eventually had to call it off with the person who was causing the trouble... negative energy goes a long way, unfortunately.

-Whit

No it isn't one of you. I don't know you guys well enough yet for it to be.

I suppose I could say the name, but I'm still getting used to being able to write where they can't see. (This they refers to academy overseers...) and I keep thinking they'll rips tuff away from me.

I keep having to remind myself that I really am safe...

...

Sorry to make you worry. It wasn't my intention. :(

-Ria

Oh, hun listen, I worry about everything, so don't think it's your fault. I'm always worrying. Just how I am (and how Sylvyrr is too, for that matter).

I know how you feel. I always get nervous about negatively mentioning people, even when I know there's no way it could get back to them. It's tough to deal with situations like this, all the way around.

-Whit

I just...

I wish I could come out and say things, but I still don't feel I can. But it's no one in any of the systems on the flist. Whether they front or don't.

No one at all.

-Ria

It took my daughter years to stop seeing Huir around every corner after we de-programmed her from her brainwashing. As it was, she was right all along when the Freeborn like myself thought he was dead. That none of the Freedmen from his estate did in hindsight should have been a big flashing danger sign.

The Academy cannot find you, in the Inn you are safer than my daughter is in the Empire. You'd have a lot in common with my daughter in some ways.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

*nod*... yeah. But then again, lot of people don't see dangers until they're just about to them, or it's almost too late.

I... would I? I'm still trying to wrap my head around that I've safety here. I... just not used to this... yet.

-Ria

We sure didn't. I was confident Huir was dead. He wasn't going to get her and she was safe. Then he suddenly ended up back from the dead and that monster Rorschach killed another monster in Huir.

It takes some getting used to. Revcel has a fear of certain odors, one of which is a hospital-type smell. It took until recently for me to get the privileges that come with rulership to discover just what that pharmaceutical corporation had been doing in Northern Hataria, and why Revcel never has accepted any organic doctor except Masavlas the Elder. Adrian grimaced when the story came out....out of familiarity. One of those secrets she took to the grave.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

From what Revcel's told me, I'm not sorry he's dead. At all.

I'll say it does. I just hope people are as patient with me as you say tey will be. I'm going to be like this for a while... I don't know how long...

*sigh*

-Ria

Neither am I. At one time, Revcel had the possibility to really choose her own path and she had more open to her. Then he had her for 19 years as his own personal property (along with 999,999 other victims) and did with her as he saw fit. And he wanted his own personal nuke, more or less, so he could declare his estate a sovereign country. That was his goal. And his sons and daughter were the Uday and Qusay to his Saddam.

However long you need. Sarasvasti, for instance, is really devastated with what's happening to her. This set back her progress in recovery quite a ways, and it isn't quite over yet. >.>

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

o.o.... *shudder*

I hope it gets over soon. Loxari's really just not right at the moment. He sleeps because he has to. But he's not eaten in at least a day or so. I dunno if that's normal for him or not, but... Ayupe.

-Ria

Friday morning, the issue will be resolved with bloodshed. Regardless of what the judge rules, and I know this man, he told me this morning that he'd been seeking a test case and that Sarasvasti was a perfect one because she was so vulnerable and fragile. Like Revcel's an object, so Sarasvasti is now. No wonder Heshatani is furious with how they've treated his daughter.

H'vorxixnon H'ven Soroundon.

We.. fuck. We won't be here. :(

I was hoping we would be.

-Ria